Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
