U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
