Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize