Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
