Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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