I just saw a hot homeless man
kristin has been a bad kristin
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
