god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
