I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
