If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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