I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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