well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
