I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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