Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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