I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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