If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
