my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
