apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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