Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
