Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I stole a fireplace last night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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