epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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