I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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