So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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