cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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