dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize