I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
