I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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