After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
