after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
