I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
