the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
