oh fat girl friday strikes again...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
