Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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