i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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