there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
