I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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