Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The feeling are messing with the penis
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
