Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my poor anus
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
