I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
