just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the night ended with taco bell and tears
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
