Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
