ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
