So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
