I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
