You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
