Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
