Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
accomplished twins. life is a go
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
