I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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