I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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