I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
