she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
