take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
