honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
