I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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