dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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