I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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