Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
