somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
