So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
