Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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