That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
