shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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