i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
