we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
