she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
