sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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