Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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