wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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