I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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